Week One: Challenges

Man, what a challenge. A good challenge, but still a challenge. It’s been a week since I officially became a mom. It’s been an awesome and trying experience. And this is all the beginning!! Most of the trying times have been at home trying to find our routine, but it all started with false hopes given in the hospital.

Breastfeeding: We took a class to prepare ourselves. I don’t think the amount of classes can prepare you for the actual process. I took the limited information that I knew and tried as soon as I could in the hospital. During the night when we were woken up for a feeding, one of the nurses commented how Avery was an “advanced feeder” and I had perfect breastfeeding ‘parts’. I was thinking, awesome! This is going to be easy! Ha ha ha. No. My daughter is a screamer! By day 2 we discovered this high pitched scream that only dogs should hear. Luckily God blessed me with a deaf left ear. I stick her on my left shoulder, but seriously, this scream went straight to my tear ducts. It was the scream of “Mom! You’re not feeding me enough!”, “Mom! You’re not doing it right!!!”, “Mom!! Make me feel better”. Of course that just made me bawl. But at that point most anything made me bawl.

So without going into too much graphic detail, we were not a made in heaven match when it came to that department. We had two lactation consultations, one which I fell asleep during (she gave me permission). I felt like we were given enough tips to get us started at home. We discharged on Monday and came home to…life. We couldn’t have Avery go to the nursery to get a few hours of sleep, we had no nurses to scream “HELP!” to, and my nurses wouldn’t be there to dole out my medication.

I don’t even know how much sleep we got the first night. I knew it was to be expected. The problem was I wasn’t producing enough to satisfy her, so she was just MAD all the time. It was so frustrating and exhausting.

We went to the doctor the next day and she was down 12% from her birthweight. The doctor was concerned since the day before she was down 10%, it was a loss of 3 oz. She had us to a pre and post feeding weight in which she gained 1 oz. She advised that we supplement w/ the pump, and then come in the next day for a reweigh. So Jason and I got all situated at home, sterilized all pump materials, got it all set up…nothing. Drops. Again come the tears. I really didn’t want to supplement with formula, but when I saw that and realized that I really wasn’t able to provide for Avery at that time, we conceded to formula. I was so disappointed.

We got the formula and she was knocked out as soon as we gave it to her. I think she needed the rest and the full belly. She got so much more sleep the second night. We were faithful in waking her up every 2-3 hours. We were determined to get her weight up! The next day she gained 3 oz and was back up to the 10% down. We did a pre/post feeding weight again to see if I was producing more. This time she gained nothing! More disappointed. However, I was so excited about getting sleep and not having a screaming child at 3 am that it was ok. We did the same thing and went back the next day for a reweigh and got her up to 7lbs!

Avery’s doctor, who is wonderful and has called me everyday this week to see if we were doing ok, recommended some herbal supplements for me to speed things along. I’ve been doing so and she’s been a lot happier using both me and the bottle.

Overall we’re adjusting. We’re learning her cues, her cries, what calms her down, etc. A work in process.

Announcing Avery Christine Stone

Avery’s Birth Story: please note that this is a birth story. This involves somewhat graphic details of which some people may or may not want to read. You have been warned.

We had our 39 week Dr’s appt on 6/2 in which we decided that she because had made little to no progress in the past week, we were scheduled to induce that Sunday 6/6. Once I posted that online, I got so many comments about how she was going to come in the next 24 hours. I was hoping they were right but wasn’t relying solely on that, as 6/4 was her due date.

The next morning woke up around 5:15, which isn’t that unusual for me. I started having some cramps in the front a few times, just like period cramps. It quickly went to my lower back. I noticed I had to go to the bathroom. I managed to go #2 2x’s in the span of about 10 minutes, which is unusual for me. I crawled back into bed and noticed that my back pain was continuous for a short period of time allowing for a break. In the meantime, I got in my iPhone and made a post to my pregnancy forum girls asking if I was in labor. I also used a contraction app to time my pains. I was having the surging back pains lasting about 1 minute and about 5 minutes apart. I timed these for about an hour until Jason got up and came in at 7ish. I told him what was happening and I wasn’t sure if I was in labor because it was only in my lower back. While he’s in the shower I went to the bathroom again, this time just pee. I headed back to bed. As soon as I laid down I got right back up and ran to the bathroom. My water broke!! Luckily I caught it before I made a mess. I was instantly excited because that meant she was coming!!

Did we rush to the hospital? No, like true Carrie form I got in the shower and then straightened my hair, ate some breakfast, double/triple checked our list of things to bring and our bags, texted the appropriate people, then called the MD and left. We had to go to the hospital pretty immediately because I was strep positive and since my water broke, they had to start me on antibiotics early so we didn’t give a bug to Avery.

We arrived around 10am. I was already having contractions about every 3 minutes, lasting about a minute. They continued and increased in intensity, being pretty regular. Around 2pm I asked for the epidural. I had tried to go natural but I didn’t realize what a woos I was for pain. I was sad because I was only at 3cm when I asked for it. But I’ve heard miracles of “spontaneously dilating to 10cm” when relaxed w/ the epidural. I was hoping I’d be one of those. Nope! They also started me on pitocin about 4 units to speed things along.

At around 8pm or so, I told my MD that I was having these “throbbing vagina pains”. He laughed and said he’d never heard that before. It basically felt as if someone was kicking me in the crotch over and over and over again. My nurse pushed the extra dose button 4 times before she called the anesthesiologist to come back and give me an extra surge in my line. That seemed to help a bit. Also during this I had also developed a fever I wasn’t aware of. Started at 99 something and was at 100.3 when they told me I had one.

Around 11:30pm the pains came back. The anesthesiologist decided to redo the epidural, hoping that being in a new position would help distribute the medication. He redid it and I was back to feeling good and was able to nap for a while. I was still maybe only 5cm at this point. Again, hoping that because of the pains I wasn’t able to dilate and then this would relax me some more. Nope! Pitocin was increased to 6 units.

Going on about 2am, pains come back. This time they are in my lower back and way down low in my abdomen. I almost feel like her head was starting to push out. I was so excited that maybe this was it!! Nope!!, only 5-6cm. Are you kidding me?? And to top that off, she was still at like -1 station!! This kid was NOT moving! The anesthesiologist came back and put another surge directly into my line. It felt good, but it never really removed the pain from the front, just the back pain. And with her starting to be basically where my ovaries were, I HURT!!! BAD. Not only that, but they put me on oxygen to “wake the baby” because she had gotten comfy and my contractions weren’t as steady and regular as they had been. I looked over and my Pitocin was now at 8 units, so double what I started at!

I tried to breathe my way through it until about 4am. I just had had it at that point. I broke down crying, hyperventilating, just dying. I began throwing up because of the pain, and probably partly because I was hyperventilating. My doctor came in to check on me and he said I was at 8 cm, but still at -1 station and that she was not dropping. He didn’t know why but he didn’t want to risk giving me more of an epidural only to risk it wearing off and not being able to do a c-section. We decided that due to the pain level, the fact that she wasn’t going to move and I didn’t want to have to replace yet another epidural, we opted for c-section. It would've been one thing to come out of an epidural and feel the pain of your labor, but I went from feeling nothing to feeling 8 units of pitocin at 8cm dilated contractions. Not a pleasant feeling!!

Now at this point since I had been hyperventilating and not doing well, I was shaking bad and I had spiked a fever to 101.3. I felt the fever at that time and was covered in wet washcloths. The anesthesiologist came back as we all agreed to the c-section and decided to give me like 5 times the dose to make sure that I really wasn’t going to feel anything because he didn’t want to do a spinal on me. Luckily it worked relatively quickly and I was feeling somewhat better, but still shaking like a madwoman.

Jason got all suited up, I said goodbye to my sister as they wheeled me in there. The anesthesiologist, who was just phenomenal, started talking to me about how I handle anesthesia. I told him how last time I had fillings I had to take the day off work because I couldn’t talk for about 12 hours after the procedure. He was dumbfounded that the meds had this effect on me. He asked, “Has anyone told you that you’re strange?” I say, “everyday”. Haha.

During the procedure, still shaking, the anesthesiologist says he couldn’t do anything at that moment to help with the shaking but would give me something to relax with once the baby was out. I mentioned how my mouth was dry and he went and got me mouth swabs. The doctor!! He offered to swab my mouth but put the swabs in my hand instead. He could see I was still in distress in started massaging my temples and jaw. This helped considerably and my shaking started to subside. I heard my OB say “Ooops” after they put the curtain up. I was like…”Um, ‘oops’ isn’t really what you want to hear when you’re about to get your belly sliced open…everything ok??”. Apparently the lights were flickering and someone messed with one which prompted the oops. Again, mr anesthesiologist informed me of this. He also got two warm blankets and put them over my chest and arms to warm me up.

The delivery itself was quick, as most c-sections are. I could feel the pressure of what they were doing. I heard them say the head was out, and Jason started to look her way. I didn’t hear her cry but wasn’t worried because I knew that God and the doctors were in control. I heard them say “It’s a girl!” and they kinda showed me her feet (they thought I could see all of her). Jason then went over to the table and she started to cry. The anesthesiologist continued to inform me of what they were doing as well as the fact that he gave me my dose of relaxing meds. I could kind of feel them take effect and the shaking started to subside. A few minutes later they brought her and put her on my chest. Her swollen face was so cute and immediately I noticed that she has Jason’s lips. When I saw her again, her swelling subsided and her lips are like half the size J.

Her stats: 7lbs, 80oz and 20 inches long. Born June 4, 2010 at 5:14 am.

Name: Avery Christine Stone

I managed to get so relaxed that I honestly don’t remember the rest of it. Jason and my sister said when they came back to the room, I was asleep snoring away. I was glad I got the rest because after that ordeal I needed it.

Often you talk to mothers who go through living hell to deliver their babies and minutes after they say that they’d do it all over again.

In a heartbeat…

39 weeks and 4 days

By all accounts and purposes, I should have a pretty significant title change in the next 3 days. I know that most babies don't come by their due date...but I'm determined to have that title change within the next 3 days! That title change being that of a "mother". Whoo hoo!

I haven't written since I've been on maternity leave which is surprising since I've had some extra freetime. At first I was busy nesting/cleaning. I had guests in town, Jason was out of town, etc. My main goal was not to go into labor while Jason was in Key West. Unfortunately, that time did call for me to do some massive cleaning. Luckily, I did not go into labor. At 36 weeks, I was 50% effaced and was not dilated.

Jason made it home safely after enjoying a wonderful wedding of our friends Jeremy and Jenny. At week 37, I was 75% effaced and 1 cm dilated. My doctor thought from the progress I made in that week that I was considered "due anyday" and to watch for signs and symptoms. The next week I took is fairly easy, while still having the nesting bug. 38 week there was no change. My doctor still said that he didn't think I'd make it to my due date. I think Avery is calling his bluff.

This past week I've been trying to do everything to make some progress. My nesting this past week has been out of control! From cleaning the house windows and screens to rearranging and cleaning my kitchen...my house is pristine! I've never been more happy with how the house looks...and I know it won't last long with a new baby being around...but for now I'm happy with it. I also took to drinking raspberry leaf tea, made some "labor cookies", trying some other suggested methods which I won't discuss on here, and trying to take long walks. I can tell I'm making progress, but not enough to get her out!

I know, I know. I'm impatient. She should be here within the next 3 or so days. Why rush it? I don't know. Can I say I'm sick of being pregnant? Not so much. By all accounts and purposes this has been a really easy pregnancy. Do I want to meet her? Heck yah! Am I looking forward to not getting sleep? Heeeecccck no. It's very odd but in the past few months I've slept better than before I was pregnant. I'm not ready to give that up. Am I impatient? YES! I want to show her off :). And I know this sounds cheesy, but I want to meet the little person that Jason and I created :).

3 days. Prepare for LOTS of pictures. Until then, heres some full term, almost 40 week belly pictures! I didn't even attempt to look "cute" for these. Enjoy!




This was my attempt to get Heidi in the belly shot, but she wasn't being very cooperative.

Miss her!

I was originally going to save a blog for Wordless Wednesday but when I was searching random pictures, nothing quite held the mark like a picture of Helen and I. I decided to bump up the blog to today instead of Wednesday.
Today is the 2nd year anniversary that my stepmother, Helen, died. It's hard to believe that it's been 2 years since we said goodbye. As many of you know, Helen battled breast cancer for about 7 years before it ultimately took her life in 2008. And when I say battled, I mean she was a fierce knight w/ armor and all, ready with her sword! She didn't let it get her down, didn't succumb to the nausea, and only mildly complained about headaches. Heck, I wouldn't have even known she was on chemo unless she told me. I was usually too selfish and scared to ask.

Helen had been my stepmother for the previous 16 years, although it felt like longer. I've known her practically all of my life! I started going to Village Christian in 3rd grade and had difficulty making friends, but was good with the younger kids. I would always ask if I could play with the littler kids, kind of as a "big sister" role. Helen worked on that playground watching the same age group. One day she mentioned how she was going to the football game that Saturday and I said, "Hey, so are my dad and I". I told my dad that he HAD to meet Mrs. McBee (everyone was a Mrs to me back then). He was a gentleman and bought her coffee, only to discover that she didn't drink coffee. Two years later they were married.

Now, I can't say that it was always pleasant. As any sort of blended family who is not the Brady Bunch there were times of yelling, screaming, name calling, grounding...you name it. I know now, as an adult, that none of these were without warrant and without love. It wasn't until I became an adult that I learned to appreciate my parents (as many wise new adults often come to that realization). Helen and I developed a new-found respect for each other. As an adult she could treat me differently, and as an adult I reacted towards her differently. We quickly learned to develop a love for Cosmo's, shopping, fire pits and more shopping. Helen could spend like no other!! A trait my husband does not appreciate that I have.

Honestly when the diagnosis came, I was a sophomore in college. No one in my family had been sick, let alone, died before. This was all new and surreal to me. I didn't want to believe it so I said what everyone else said...we'll fight it! First came lumpectomy, radition, another lumpectomy, mastectomy to one, chemo, mastectomy to the other, chemo, chemo, chemo. This pattern went for 7 years, never in remission. 7 years of fighting.

It wasn't until January of 2008 that we realized that the end was near. I was fortunate enough to have a conversation with her, knowing that we didn't have long together. I thanked her for her profound role in my life, thanked her for beautifully planning my wedding and told her how I would miss her and grieved that my children would never know her. We cried, much like I am doing now in writing this. We knew that God had other plans although I wanted her to stay.

The next 4 months were just about the hardest in my life. New marriage, work, school, licensing exams and dealing with Helen dying. A part of my life I hope never to repeat. We were able to say goodbye in a lucid moment but continued to watch her slip away. I know she wouldn't have wanted it any other way, but all 4 of us kids and my dad were there as she passed.

A new chapter unfolds. I'm due to give birth to a daughter in the next 32 days. My daughter will never meet this amazing woman. That has been the hardest thing to deal with in my pregnancy. She had the opportunity to be a grandmother to 3 grandkids and did a darned good job at it!

I was telling a friend of mine today. Death is weird. This person goes from being such a part of your life, so accessible and so "there" to being a part of your history. That person was so accessible and such a part of me, and now it's something that I have to remember. And for those that meet me in the future and I talk about her or show that I'm influenced in some way, they will never understand because she is a part of my past. Not someone I can introduce them to. But if her influence lives on, then hopefully others can be drawn to her maker.

Helen, you were a great mother, a great step-mother and a terrific grandmother. You will forever be missed!

34 1/2 weeks

I'm running out of room! Or rather, she's running out of room! That doesn't seem to stop her from moving around and stretching her limbs. According to the websites, she is the size of a honeydew and the length/weight of a Costco sheet cake. Random, I know.

Went to the MD yesterday. I thought I was so smart in thinking that her head was by my ribs and she was kicking my hips. He felt the upper part of my belly for about 2 seconds and said, "Nope, she's flipped, getting into position. That's her butt way up there". Sure enough, he broke out a quick ultrasound and saw that she is indeed head down. Now that explains all the pressure I've been feeling on my bladder during the day and everytime I get up.

One thing that has been fairly consistent as far as symptoms is my backpain. It's been pretty dang bad. Sitting doesn't help, standing doesn't either, driving makes it worse. So it's always a lovely combination the fact that I have a 2 hour commute everyday and sit down in a desk for 8 hours and my feet are too swollen to walk. I posed the idea to my MD about going out earlier than planned. His response, "Do you want me to sign that today was your last day?" Haha. I decided that May 7th would be my last day instead. It would still give me 4 weeks pre-maternity time and the break I need. I'm so excited for the leave!

Since last update I've had one of my showers. I was so grateful to everyone that came. We had a great time and Avery will be one stylin' kid :). I have another shower on May 8th for San Diego people that I'm also looking forward to. jason and I also took our babymoon. We went to Vegas, Grand Canyon and Red Rock Canyon. It was a short 3 day weekend but it was great to get away and spend some time together.

It's been a great ride, but we're ready to meet her!

Things to look forward to in the next couple of weeks:
- My birthday!
- Breastfeeding class.
- Tour of the hospital.
-Maternity leave.
- Second shower.

38 days to go!!

33 weeks!

I am now officially at 33 weeks, only 7 to go, only 50 days to go. The last countdown I'll mention is: 30 days until maternity leave!! I think that's the countdown I'm most excited about ;).
This week, and for the next 7 weeks, Avery is putting on the weight. Yes, for those who I haven't disclosed to, we are naming her Avery. Middle name still to be determined. Everyday I feel like I'm growing. Mainly because 1) I am and 2) so is she! She seems to like to stay sideways. Her head is usually below my ribs on my side and her feet get tucked into my hip. It's such a weird feeling when I'm driving and she kicks my hips. I have yet to experience her in my ribs though. I hope to keep it that way.

This weeks object comparison is for length. Apparently she is about 17.5 inches which is the same length as a standard pearl necklace. A real pearl necklace people! ;). She's losing room to move around. I love feeling her move and grow but sometimes it can be startling and painful. Especially at work, I'll be on a phone call and she'll spazz and wiggle around so much that I say "Whoa!" on the phone! Or I have to arch my back to give her room to move...this is if I'm hunched over or something.

Pains for the 33 weeks. BACK PAIN! Oye!! I was blessed a few weeks ago to have the most wonderful pregnancy massage. Then I came home, got in nesting mode and managed to pop my neck while sorting bills. That killed it for me. Nothing a couple visits to the chiropractor didn't help. I pretty much have back pain all of the time. It used to be isolated to about mid back on either side of my spine. Now it's pretty much my whole back all of the time. Today I resorted to laying on the floor for a while, while at work, trying to massage and take some stress off of it. It seemed to help for the time being. I also put some more air back in my butt pad on my chair to see if that will help.

More pains. I'm so heavy. I think I've done relatively well in regards to the weight gain. I had been keeping pretty steady between 20-25lbs for about 6-8 weeks or so. Now I'm keeping solid at 25lbs and starting to go up 1 or 2. This will be normal for me to put on some extra weight in these last 8 weeks as she bulks up. Baby bulk=mommy bulk! I'm trying to be good. Less fast food, more veggies, more home cooked meals (You're welcome Jason!).

This week in development: Baby is bulking up as stated before. Also, she responds to day and night lights and is getting on sleeping patterns. Of course that will be all null and void once she actually arrives. Her lungs are continuing to mature and she's almost ready to come to the outside world and greet us with her lovely melodic screams :).

Looking forward to/To Do List:
- My Showers! I have one this weekend and one in May. Can't wait to celebrate with friends and family.
- Organizing closet space. Need to relocate nursery closet items into office closet.
- Interviewing daycares/getting on waiting lists.
- Filling out disability paperwork (yay fun)
- Sign up for breastfeeding class.
- Hubby getaway weekend to the Grand Canyon!
- My 30th birthday!
- Continued nesting.

Here are some updated pics :)

Churro baby.

12 weeks to go! 12 weeks AGO I was just starting to show and feel flutters in my belly. 12 weeks ago I didn't even know whether we were going to have a son or a daughter. 12 weeks ago went by quickly. The next 12 will surely go by like a blur.
I just had my 28 week appointment and I was in such a rush to get there that I melted down at my work because I was 20 minutes late leaving. Luckily my boss was supportive, or scared, and let me go right away...not before shedding a few tears. I rushed to the Drs office and called them on my way. I told the nurse my story and she makes a comment that my blood pressure will probably be spiked from it. I'm usually 90/60 and surprisingly went up to 112/60! That is high for me :).
I was left in the room for a while since I was late, which just left me with my thoughts. I was thinking...I haven't really felt her kick all day! Although I was very busy but usually her kicks are so hard that it'll interrupt me during the day. So of course my mind spirals out of control in the 5 minutes it takes for him to get into the office. My Dr gets in the room and I tell him that I haven't been paying attention and we did the normal doppler test. As soon as he put the little probe on my belly she kicked it right off! He's like, "whoa!!". He did it two more times and the same thing. He's like...um, I don't think you have anything to worry about, she's a kicker!
I passed my glucose test which I was way excited about. I have a hard enough time getting full with a large McDonald's combo meal. I couldn't imagine having to get full of a gestational diabetes diet. Sorry to you who have had to do that.

Now my website that compares my baby to random object says my daughter is the length of a fairground churro. Yum! Next week...a loaf a bread and weighing the same as a Macbook Air Laptop!

Current belly photo: